A Wizard's Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

October 2015
Ashley Margaret

You are confronted with a horde of mindless zombies with their greyish skin and rotten smell. What do you do in order to survive? Do you start throwing off spells such as Petrificus Totalus, Impedimenta, and Incarcerous? Do you turn and run as fast as you can?

The first thing that may come to mind is to use the unforgivable killing curse because when cast, it kills whoever it hits. However, therein lies the problem; zombies are already dead. How do you kill a creature that is already dead? In order to “kill” a zombie, you will need to completely destroy the brain.

Reducto may be perhaps the most effective spell to use against a zombie. This curse can be used to blast solid objects into pieces. Essentially it will reduce your target to a pile of ash. What better way to completely and immediately incinerate a zombie than to reduce it to a pile of dust.

If you’re faced with a multitude of zombies, it may be difficult to constantly be casting Reducto, so Incendio may perhaps be a worthwhile spell to use with a horde of zombies coming your way. However, use this spell with extreme caution. While the flame will eventually consume the zombie and destroy its brain, flaming zombies can still walk and attack before they are “killed.” In the meantime, it will set everything else ablaze and this may cause you not only to have to flee the horde of zombies, but also the conflagration that has just started. Be aware of your surroundings before setting zombies ablaze.

Keep in mind that zombies will follow the source of noise, so if you are planning on running for your life, attempt to keep as quiet as possible. If you suddenly get the idea that a muggle firearm is a good idea, you may want to rethink that idea, or at least use the firearm sparingly because while it may help you kill one zombie, the noise from the gunshot will attract even more zombies.

Do not get bit. I repeat - do not get bit. If there is one thing I can tell you it is this. Do anything possible to stay a safe distance away from the zombies, even if it means using spells that will not “kill” the zombie but rather just keep them away from you for the time being while you get away.

Finally, the best suggestion I can give you is to befriend a Quidditch player, particularly a beater. This may seem completely out there, but bear with me. Because you will need to completely destroy the brain in order to “kill” a zombie, a blunt instrument is often useful to have nearby, especially if for some reason you do not have your wand with you. What better blunt instrument to use than a beater bat? In addition, Quidditch players are exceptional fliers so you have the added benefit of being able to escape by flying away on a broomstick.